We Become What We Seek

I start each morning out with a cup of warm lemon and honey water and a reading from The Book of Awakening. In a December passage I came across the following,

"... it feels inevitable and holy that we should become what we seek."

This statement has stuck with me. It sticks with me through coaching calls where I hear an individual asking for a different outcome yet pursuing, time and time again, old pathways that lead them to solid walls. The words of our desires might sound poetic and heroic... the actions, on the other hand, are not. And that is an incredibly hard reality to face. To look yourself in the mirror and realize my words and my actions do not align.

The most vulnerable example I can provide is my "nit-picking" (his word, not mine) of my husband. I love this man and my desire is for that love to be felt - through every moment. My actions, however, often come with eye rolls, harsh responses, and an annoyed tone. I am fortunate enough to have a loving enough husband who points these moments out to me and illuminates the discrepancy. I say I want to show love, but I am easily tempted by the simplicity of my default behavior.

If you have read War of Art (a harsh gem that will pierce your soul), you will identify this as Resistance. It is nice to give it a name because it begins to give you permission to call it out. "I see you, Resistance! And I will fight!"

When you look at your life, not just generally but very specifically, what are you seeking?

-Do you say you are seeking peace yet find yourself being drawn clutter and disruption?
-Do you say you are seeking healthy relationships yet find yourself ignoring boundaries (of yourself or others)?
-Do you say you are seeking a strong culture yet find yourself avoiding the difficult conversations?

Let me ease your racing heart for a moment. These things are normal. Let me speed it up for the rest of time: Why would you want to be normal? In our world it is normal to be obese. It is normal to be addicted to your phone. It is normal to be divorced. It is normal to have your house a disaster. It is normal to fall asleep watching TV. It is normal to sleep in. It is normal to eat fast food. It is normal to sustain your day as a zombie on coffee alone. It is normal to hate your job, your life, yourself.

Why would you want to be normal? I certainly don't. I want to be healthy. I want to be present in my moments. I want to build a forever romance. I want to be organized. I want to fall asleep with only the stars lighting my room. I want to get up before the sun rises and watch the music of the world waking up. I want to eat whole foods that I prepare with my own hands. I want to stay hydrated and awake - truly awake. I want to love my job, my life, myself.

The coolest part about it - you get to choose. You get to choose who you are. You get to choose what you seek. I am not saying it is easy. I am saying it is worth. it. The question isn't do you want it. I am a firm believer that although most humans take the easy path, the path of least resistance, it isn't the one they want long term. In my experience, when given the space to think and the safety to be vulnerable, people can articulate what they want. The question is truly, how do you create it?

The answer is complicated and a windy road with lots of forks. Let me provide you with a few tenets I have found provide direction:

Create Structure. If you wake up in the morning and don't have a plan, you will find solace in scrolling through Instagram or the news. If you sit down for work and don't have a plan, you will find productivity in responding to emails and putting out other people's fires. Create the structure in your life that will support the outcomes you seek. Identify a plan (a simple one) that will guide you. Identify your schedule, identify what you are working towards. Want help? We developed a course to help you build a plan - and you are invited to join! Click here to sign up.

Enlist Others. If you are seeking a morning that starts before the sun wakes up and includes a 5am home workout, but you live in a studio apartment with your spouse who likes to sleep until 7am, you are setting yourself up for failure (and setting your spouse up for failure). When I work with organizations I talk about the importance of buy-in from everyone. From the C-suite to the front line. I have watched people seek beautiful change that would transform the culture, service/product, and/or experience... but when they charge ahead on their own, they are one person pulling against an entire organization who didn't know they were supposed to turn and instead feel the tension and put their weight into holding steady.

Expect Roadblocks. I am working with a body coach who is helping me with an injury I sustained in seventh grade and has followed me since. Where every medical professional has told me they do not know what is wrong with my knee, he has recognized an opportunity to reshape my physical habits to support my desired outcome (no pain in my knee). The biggest thing he has shared - how to stand correctly. Maybe it was how I was built, maybe it was because of the injury, maybe it was to compensate for the pain, but I have allowed my quad to become responsible for moving my leg opposed to my hamstring and glut. He is working with my body and helping it be more comfortable with this new, healthier, way of standing and holding myself. But let's face it - my leg has held itself this way for a minimum of 22 years. The second I stop paying attention to my leg... it jumps right back to the old way. And that is to be expected. If you tell yourself you will never hit a roadblock you are setting yourself up for failure. Back to point one… you must plan for what happens when you hit that roadblock. And just like when you come across a roadblock when you are driving, there is another way to get to where you are going - it might just not be the easiest or most straightforward path.