Develop Discipline

BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND

You would never hit the road for a trip to a place you have never been without plugging it into your phone and following the directions. Having these directions allows you to be more efficient with your time, avoid obstacles, and help you reach your destination. However, with our life, we tend to think we can move through each day without a plan and end up somewhere great. Nope. This is not how it works. We have to get intentional about where we are heading and then determine the best path to get us there.

One of my favorite quotes is from Alice and Wonderland. Alice is walking through the woods and comes across the Cheshire Cat.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" Alice asks.
The cat responds, "That depends a good deal on where you want to get."
"I don't much care where..."
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

We all have a place we want to end up - a desired future state that we know would serve us, the people we care about, and the world around us in a positive way. This desired state might be health related or career related, it might be connected to finances or emotional stability. Regardless, without determining that future, we are making decisions on a daily basis that may or may not take us closer to that place.

The first step to being more disciplined? Figure out what that discipline gets you.

REALIZE YOU DON'T NEED TO GO CRAZY... BUT YOU CAN

If you follow Dr. Paul or Jocko, you will be introduced to an extreme (and very admirable!) version of discipline. Dr. Paul only eats red meat, raw dairy, raw honey, and fruit. Jocko is up every day at 4:30am (and a slew of other things that I would guess 99% of you out there wouldn't be willing to commit to). Discipline looks different for everyone. You can take guidance and ideas from others, but you will have to determine for yourself what you want your discipline to be.

I, for instance, cut caffeine out of my diet a few months ago. Why?! (So many people ask with utter disgust!) A few reasons, but the main reason was that if I didn't have a cup of black tea in the morning, I was barely able to function by 1pm. I didn't like that. My desired future state was "to effectively be able to function by 1pm without caffeine." When people hear I completely cut caffeine out and why, they often respond with, "Well, you could probably have a cup every once in a while, right?" And sure, they are probably right. I probably could have a cup of black tea (ooo that sounds so good!), but at this point, I don't need it and I don't want it. My discipline is NO CAFFEINE. Is it extreme? Maybe, but it works for me. On the other side, I basically do no refined sugar. However, I will have a bowl of ice cream every once in a while. That works for me. I am disciplined to not have sugar daily, or even weekly, but I am comfortable enjoying in on the occasion.

Discipline doesn't mean 100% in or out. It can mean varying degrees - as long as that discipline is getting you closer to your desired outcome.

FIGURE OUT WHAT DISCIPLINE LOOKS LIKE

Ever wake up ready to take on the day and then awkwardly move around having no idea what to do? Or sit at your computer with a ton of motivation, but a lack of clarity on what to focus it on? Ugg - that is the worst! It's not just about "being disciplined," it's about figuring out the specifics of what your discipline is going to look like.

You want to get up early? FANTASTIC! What are you going to do when you get up? If you wake up early without a plan, you will not receive the benefit of that discipline. My recommendation? Start with a brain dump of everything you want to see happen in your morning and another brain dump of everything you want to see happen in your evenings. Then go through and highlight what, out of those lists, NEEDS to happen. For example, you NEED to brush your teeth. You do NOT need to watch a TV show with your spouse. Drop the NEEDS into the template (What time should they happen? How long do they take? What would help make them more efficient?), then add the other stuff.

The same is true about how you spend your days at work. You need a plan. You can always adjust the plan, but the plan gives you direction and helps you move closer to your goals. What does your ideal day look like (or what does your day have to look like based on your current reality and how do you maximize it)? I know I schedule coaching clients on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. I know my calls start at 9:30am and end by 4:00pm.

REMOVE DISTRACTIONS

We are lazy. It is actually a massive benefit of being human - being lazy beings helps us figure out more efficient ways of operating... but can also get us in trouble. Are you trying to get a better nights rest... but you keep turning on the TV in your room when you can't fall asleep? Move the TV out of your room! Are you trying to focus on moving a project forward, but keep getting sucked into your phone's endless amount of content (social media)? Turn your phone off (yes, you can do that), put it on the other side of the room, or ask a coworker or a housemate to hang onto it for a designated period of time. Are you the type of person who has trouble starting a task until everything is cleaned up and organized? Declutter your space and create an organizational system that keeps your space neat.

Let's be real: Discipline is doing what needs to be done even when you don't feel like doing it.

Don't make it harder on yourself. Instead, simplify your discipline.

BE REALISTIC

I was recently talking to a soon to be mom who was preparing to go out on maternity leave. She was saying that she is really unhappy with work and wanted to do some soul searching and research during "her time off" to figure out what her next career step looked like. I am not saying she can't do that soul searching while on maternity leave. I am saying that maternity leave is set up for a reason - she is going to be preoccupied with a baby, adjusting to a new family dynamic, and operating on minimal sleep. To expect she will walk out of that experience also with clarity and direction on her career... well, it might not be setting her up for success!

Jocko wakes up at 4:30am... every day. That's awesome. If you are someone who wakes up at 7am every day, deciding that tomorrow... and for the rest of your life... you will wake up at 4:30am every day... it might not be realistic. You may be setting yourself up for failure instead of success. I am not saying you can't do it, I am saying be intelligent about your commitments.

DON'T PUNISH YOURSELF

Inevitably, you are going to slip up. You say - I am going to be so disciplined and respond to every email within 48 hours. And you might... until you don't. Or you might say - I am going to always clean up dinner that night. And you might... until you don't. And at that point, it is easy to feel like you failed. It is important, on your self disciplined journey to give yourself permission. If you miss an opportunity to be disciplined, THAT IS OK.

But what most of us do is tell ourselves we failed. And then we need something monumental to jumpstart our commitment again. We wait until Monday. Or wait until January first. This is counter to the reason you decided to embark on a journey of discipline to begin with.

We are going to make mistakes. We are going to make a decision that doesn't align with our desired outcomes. The importance thing is to not to allow that moment to cast a shadow on your potential. You get to acknowledge a choice you made a choice. And then you get to acknowledge that you have an opportunity to make a different choice.

THE OUTCOME IS THE REWARD

Don't reward yourself with trivial rewards. Ever consider the gummy bear trick while studying? It is a silly way of rewarding yourself for reading a paragraph... with one gummy bear. Or tell yourself that if you get to the gym every day this week you can eat anything you want this weekend? (Isn't it odd that most things we reward ourselves with are focused on food... and sugar?)

The goal of being disciplined is recognizing that the outcome is your reward. Yes, it might take time to realize that reward. Your promotion might not happen for years. Your health may not be reclaimed for years. Your relationship might not be mended for years. However, that is the goal!