How to Hold Yourself Accountable

Ever sit at your computer knowing you have to start on something (a project, a contract, an email, this blog?) and stare at a blank screen with nothing innovative going through your head? 

I know that feeling all too well. And what tends to happen? I do one of two things:
-I jump into email and start responding (which is not the proactive action... nor helps me move the needles I need moved!) OR
-I grab my phone and try to "clear my head" by scrolling through some social media giving myself the <false> comfort that in 3-5 minutes I will be ready to get started. 

And this experience has been enhanced with remote working. It is easy, when you are sitting at your house, to postpone starting (or continuing) on something because the refrigerator is in just the other room. Or to not feel motivated because you don't have a coworker to brainstorm with as easily. 

Regardless of what your default is, we want to hold ourselves accountable - we want to push our limits and make an impact. We want to succeed and we want to achieve. So - what do we do? Here are five things that can help you hold yourself accountable:

1 - IDENTIFY YOUR TARGET.

If you haven't identified what you are working towards and why you are working towards it, you are setting unnecessary barriers and obstacles in front of yourself. Sometimes this target is super specific: I want to give feedback to my coworker so we can work more effectively together. Sometimes it is a bit more lofty: I want to enhance my health so I can have more sustainable energy. Sometimes it is behavioral: I want to ask more questions so I am constantly learning vs. judging. 

Without knowing where we are heading and why we are heading there, the question of "WHY BOTHER" naturally arises. Plus, to quote one of my favorite quotes from Alice and Wonderland: 

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"
"That depends a good deal on where you want to get."
"I don't much care where."
"Then it doesn't matter which way you go."

When we know our destination we can choose an intentional path towards that destination. And when it comes to accountability, understanding that destination is key. 

2.1 - SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS (FOR YOURSELF)

We are terrible at setting realistic expectations for ourselves and we are terrible at setting them for others. How many of you (and don't lie to yourself about this one!) make a daily to-do list that is literally impossible to complete today even if you didn't have any meetings? I used to (ok, ok, ok! I still sometimes do it!) make these crazy long to-do lists that I told myself had to be done today. I would work and work and work and even at the ungodly time that I would close my computer, the list still would be incomplete. So instead of being pumped about what I did accomplish, I finished my day feeling like a failure. That is demoralizing.

What we need to do is set ourselves up for success. We need to look at our calendar and determine how much time we realistically have to work (take out meetings, walks with the dogs, meal prep, eating, down time) and then build a to-do list with the highest priority items that we can realistically accomplish. End your day proud of what you accomplished, not disappointed that you didn't achieve the impossible. 

The times I have been failing to hold myself accountable is when I have too much to get done on my plate and I keep trying to convince myself I can do it all. Let's get real: I CAN'T DO IT... and neither can you. 

2.2 - SET REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS (FOR OTHERS)

The other important part is to make sure we are setting realistic expectations for those around us. How often do we allow someone to hijack our time or throw a fire on our plate. Then what is our response? We internally roll our eyes, deal with it, then suffer the consequences later. And the consequences are typically sacrificing sleep, quality time with loved ones, or work that we were committed to finishing. 

The challenge is we typically assume people understand the expectation. I hate those words - assume, hope, wish... they all are saying the same thing - you have relinquished ownership and you believe you have no control. This is a limiting belief. Take ownership in this moment. If you have an expectation... COMMUNICATE IT. Expecting someone to read your mind guarantees nothing. If someone calls you at 10:55 and you have an 11:00 call, the conversation can go one of two ways:

You: Hello, this is Danielle.
Them: Hey Danielle, it's Jim! How are you? 
You: Good, thanks. How are you?
Jim: Great. It's finally getting warm out. I'm excited to get outside this weekend. Do you guys have any fun plans?
You: Oh, umm... no - not really. Just hanging. 
Jim: Thats always fun! I love weekends that don't have much going on.
You: Yeah, it's nice. Can I help you with something?
Jim: Oh, right! Remember that... (enter in a long story about a project they mentioned to you the other day, where they repeat a bunch of what they already told you, explain some background that isn't helpful, and start to dive into the teams challenge on making a decision)..."

...now it is 10:59 and you can barely get a word in and you still have zero idea why they called.

You: I am sorry to interrupt you, I have another call...
Jim: Oh... and here I am just chatting away! No problem. I just really quickly wanted to get your thoughts on this one part of the project. I know you did something like last year with the marketing team, right? 

...now it is 11:00 and you still don't have the question. 

You: Umm... yes, can we talk about this later? I need to jump on this call.
Jim: Right, of course! Well, I just wanted to know if you thought the path we were going down was valuable. I was just going to quickly talk it out with you, but... well, can I just shoot you over our project plan for you to take a look? 
You: Sure, email it over. I am so sorry, I have to jump, thank you for understanding! 

WHAT JUST HAPPENED? You are apologizing for them calling you and you needing to leave for a scheduled meeting? You have added something vague to your plate for which you are now responsible AND now you are late for your meeting. That is what our lives often look like. However, you could do the following:

You: Hello, this is Danielle.
Jim: Hey Danielle, it's Jim! How are you? 
You: Good, thanks. I just want to give you a heads up - I have a call in less than 5 minutes. Is there something I can quickly help you with?
Jim: Oh - no problem! I am working on a project with the marketing team that sounds like the project you worked on with them last year. We have run into a little bit of a difference in opinion - my team is really wanting to minimize costs and were trying to get the marketing team to own the project in house. The marketing team is recommending we use an external vendor for the graphics. I just wanted to see what you did and what you would recommend. 
You: Ah, yes, Steph used to really own all the graphics and ever since she was promoted she doesn't have the capacity for that work any longer and no one else on the team has the strength. I would highly recommend you spend the money and use the vendor they are recommending. If it is ABC Graphics I think you will be thrilled with the results. 
Jim: Awesome - that is the confidence I needed! 
You: Great! I am going to jump for this call - shoot me an email or a text if you want to run through anything else. Have a great day.
Jim: You too - thanks so much. 

Setting a clear expectation helps hold you accountable to your commitments (that you have made to yourself or others). 

3 - EMPOWER YOURSELF

The question I want you to ask yourself:

Where am I blaming others when I should be embracing ownership? 

We give up ownership so easily. The second we blame someone for anything (our attitude, our mistake, our hold up, our reaction, etc) is the second we disempower ourselves. In blaming we tell ourselves it isn't my fault, it is someone else's fault. In blaming we show up as a victim. This is not leadership. 

I have been in a "transition" this past year. I put transition in quotes because it started off as a temporary transition (6-12 months), and has turned into a one and a half years of our life. That isn't a transition, that's a chapter. However, I am realizing I have been blaming "being in transition" on why I am not fully organized. Why I am not as put together as I would like. I have looked at the transition as the persecutor and me as the poor victim who is just trying to survive through this time. If one of my client's said that to me I would remind them of what Harold S. Kushner said: 

"You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you." 

Take ownership. That is where you see progress.

4 - TAKE CARE OF YOU

Do you know the story about Sharpening Your Saw? (If not, I tell the story in this video) It is so important to take care of you, yet it seems to be the first thing we eliminate from our day. I was facilitating a webinar the other day and someone commented that the self-care stuff is always the stuff on their to-do list that doesn't happen. And they are not alone. My guess is the majority of us can relate. 

This is the stuff we know. If we are well rested, if we have eaten healthy food, if we moved our body, and if we drank some water, we are more productive. So do yourself a favor - if you are having a hard time holding yourself accountable, hit pause on everything and pick one of the following activities:
-Drink a glass of water. I use this cup and keep it at my desk.
-Do 10 jumping jacks. Or star jumps (they are my favorite). 
-Eat a healthy snack. Try beef jerky or some nuts. (or get really fancy and make something awesome)
-Take a nap. No phone. Set a timer for 25 minutes and do not look at your phone. Just close your eyes and drift away!

5 - Rely on Discipline

Too many of us wait for motivation. That sets us up for failure. Motivation is fleeting. Discipline ensures progress. 

I am not particularly motivated to wake up at 5am. I am not particularly motivated to eat three full meals before noon. I am not particularly motivated to reconcile my bank accounts. And, in all honestly, I wasn't particularly motivated to write this blog. But if I waited to feel motivated to do any of those things... they would never happen! Instead, I put processes in place to ensure their success and to hold myself accountable to what I have committed. 

What discipline will enhance your accountability? 
-Do you need to schedule time on your calendar? 
-Do you need to sign up for a course? 
-Do you need to turn off your phone?
-Do you need to set time limits on apps?
-Do you need to build a routine?