The Quest of Our Life
I stepped into a my second job out of college at 24 years old. I was proud - the title included “Director” - and felt rich (my first job paid $17,000 a year… this one, thankfully was offering more), and I recognized the opportunity as a new chapter of my life. New city. New apartment. New coworkers. New boss. New me.
I quickly engaged with the community and applied, and was accepted, into a young professional experience which provided self and personal development opportunities, the chance to meet other, like-minded young professionals, and learn from leaders across the Richmond business landscape. They employed a self-assessment that validated who I already knew I was and wrote it in a language that was clear, professional, and easy to communicate to others. One page, labeled, “Danielle’s Management Needs” stuck out. It stated:
Danielle needs:
-help in delegating tasks and recognizing priorities.
-options and alternatives before having to make decisions
-more frequent evaluation
-a manager who is consistent, patient, and calm
-the opportunity to think aloud
-to get clear and unambiguous answers
I read through these and realized I was not receiving any of these items (especially the last one) and recall thinking to myself, “What a perfect opportunity to have a conversation with my manager about my needs!” The next day I scheduled a one-on-one with my boss and happily entered his office, two copies of my “Management Needs” page in hand. I was confident and excited about taking charge of my life and asking for what I needed. What boss wouldn’t be thrilled? I was handing him, on a silver platter, the keys to my productivity, engagement, and retention!
We sat down and I handed him one of the papers and clearly remember saying, “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I had an opportunity to receive a self-assessment, which I think is spot on, and this page in-particularly stood out as a perfect one for us to look through together.” I thought I was being respectful, setting expectations, and, again, providing a solution for a problem.
He took one look at the paper, crumpled it up, threw it in the trash (not even the recycling bin!) and happily exclaimed, “Danielle, I have been managing people for 30 plus years! I don't need some sheet of paper to tell me how to do my job!”
I was astounded. I was caught off guard and had no response. I remember uttering an, “oh-ok” and holding back tears. I loved my job and truly wanted to do better. I was frustrated with things and saw the solution to those things on that paper. He spoke to me for the rest of the meeting while I went back-and-forth in my head: How could someone not be receptive to this? Does he really think he is leading me well? Should I try to explain what I am thinking? Should I just realize this is life?
I only stayed with that company three more months.
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There are so many lessons I take from this story.
One - I went in convinced I was in the right. I wasn’t. Yes, my intentions were positive, albeit a bit selfish although I had convinced myself that if he changed it would help everyone.
Two - When communicating with someone, I need to speak their language, not mine. There were many ways to communicate my point of, “I am not getting what I need from you,” and if I thought about it, that one sheet of paper was’t speaking his language.
Three - If someone has the courage to share something with you… listen. I didn’t feel heard. I felt shut down and I didn’t feel like I could keep trying to communicate.
Four - We are never past the point to begin again. What I heard him say was essentially that you cannot teach an old dog new tricks. He believed he knew how to do it perfectly and wasn’t interested in taking his leadership to the next level. We can always create a new beginning.
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We create chapters in our lives which force our view into a construct of beginning, middle, and end. While that mindset proves helpful in organizing our story, it often prevents us from recognizing the opportunities to build a story arch within an already existing story. A new beginning doesn’t only look like the first day of school or the first day on a new job. A new beginning isn’t only moving to a new home, the start of a new relationship, a Monday morning, or the first of the year.
New beginning can look like a change you decided to make.
-Providing clarity to an associate who has been struggling with autonomy on a project.
-Saying “thank you” to people when they accomplish something to the level of proficiency you asked.
-Writing out a realistic to-do list for the day (opposed to a mile-long one).
-Sharing when you will honestly follow through.
-Delegating a task you have always kept control over (for no real reason).
Taking your leadership up a notch doesn't have to wait. In fact, no matter who you are, the people around you are craving your development.
