We Twist Our Truth
Through our life we recognize patterns in our behavior and at some point, we resign to the fact that it is “Just who I am.” The challenge with that excuse is it twists us into believing there isn’t anything we can do about it.
Within the self-awareness experiences I explore with clients, I always state the most important reminder about this work: Increasing your self-awareness is NOT an excuse for your behavior. Increasing your self-awareness increases your responsibility to adapt your behavior to meet the present situation. When we provide ourselves with the obligatory, “that’s just who I am” we give ourselves permission to not try. We excuse ourselves on a variety of behaviors (even if we just say it to ourselves):
-I’m always late
-I’m not detail oriented
-I’m not good at giving feedback
-I’m not a strategic thinker
-I’m not a morning person
-I’m not creative
The list could go on...
We twist these truths to sound positive for three reasons:
1. We have tried to do it differently, and we didn't get the results we desired
2. Everyone has always said that is who I am
3. Trying to change is hard
Yet, the more we say these twisted truths to ourselves the more we believe them and the less effort we put in to doing it differently. If our intention is to lead effectively, we have to accept the personal responsibility of our personal development. Below are the steps we can take to identify and overcome the excuses we tell ourselves:
WRITE YOUR TWISTED TRUTH
What have you said or heard about yourself that you have shrugged and said, “I guess that’s just who I am.”? Write out what that twisted truth is and the impact it is currently having on your life.
DOCUMENT YOUR DESIRED OUTCOME
Once you recognize what you have been telling yourself that has become truth, figure out what you want that behavior to look like.
What behaviors would you see?
What would you say?
What would your attitude look like?
What would it change?
What would stay the same?
We often think the goal is to tell others about our aspirations to change, but research has been continuously identifying that when we vocalize our goals, we receive a dopamine hit that provides us with a sense of pride. However, by writing down our intention to change, there is a gap between who we are and who we want to be. This helps motivate us to close the gap.
IDENTIFY THE FACTS
What are the actual facts that create the reality of your twisted truth? Typically, it became a truth because we began to see it in our actions and it was reinforced. You need to look past the twisted truth to what lays behind:
You say you are always late because, well, you always think you can squeeze one last thing in before you leave. Now, when you show up late, it is just to be expected.
You say you are not detail oriented because you are usually in the middle of ten different things... and pushing a deadline, so when you miss something, it isn’t a surprise.
You say you are not a morning person because you stay up bing-watching shows and don’t get to bed until after midnight. Therefore, morning isn’t your thing.
Then you have to figure out which of the facts exists in your circle of influence and your circle of concern. Typically, we focus on our circle of concern which drags us into the drama triangle and puts us in the victim position. Our goal is to take ownership of the shift, which requires our time and effort be put on our circle of influence.
SAY IT DIFFERENTLY
Say your twisted truth, but with possibility.
I am learning to prioritize which will help me show up on time.
I can focus on one thing from start to finish.
Sharing tough feedback helps someone I care about grow.
Going to bed late doesn’t set me up to be the best me early.
Creativity takes time and practice, and every day I can grow.
Even just the language we use shifts our thinking about a topic. “I will never learn this.” vs. “I haven’t conquered this yet.” changes your attitude towards trying.
CREATE A NEW RITUAL
What behavior needs to shift for you to explore the potential of this new reality?
Adding white space to your calendar.
Closing down all programs (except the one you are working on).
Asking the people around you what they are working on.
Only watching two shows (instead of three) each night.
Participate in a #CreativeSprint.
Then it's all about starting. The hard truth is there are no short cuts to shifting our behaviors. We try to wait until we are motivated but that inevitably limits our possibility to see change in the present. It requires discipline. It requires an understanding of why we want to change and the impact it can have on us and those around us.
Let's remember, "Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful” (Quote by Joshua J. Marine). Stop giving yourself the excuse and start taking ownership of your behavior.
