Be a Little Selfish

February kicks off a month where New Years resolutions are a distant memory of the past. We don’t mention them for fear someone will recognize the fact that we gave that idealistic idea up weeks ago. We all slowly fade back into the existence of our normal life - hitting snooze, ordering unhealthy food out, skipping the gym. 

What is interesting is that January first is the one time a year when people are idealistically selfish - and are not judged for it. We create these grand plans - I will run a marathon, I will loose 10 pounds, I will write that book, I will drink more water, I will meal prep, I will meditate - selfish plans. Almost every New Years resolution I have ever heard is a choice to do something healthier for yourself. YouGov shares the top 10 most common New Years Resolutions for 2020:

1. Exercise More 
2. Save Money
3. Eat more Healthy
4. Lose Weight
5. Reduce Stress
6. Get More Sleep
7. Stick to a Budget
8. Focus on my Spiritual Growth
9. Travel More
10. Learn a New Skill

These are all selfish resolutions! Yet by this time in the year - how many of you have stuck to the goal you set? If statistics hold true, less than 25% of people are still working towards that resolution (30 days in) and only 8% of people end up actually reaching them. Yet when you look at these resolutions - they are selfishly good! They are things we know are healthy and know are beneficial, yet we abandon them after a few weeks (or dare I say days?). 

WE ABANDON OUR NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS…

Because others make us feel guilty for acting on them. We have obligations to attend to and selfish resolutions take time away from those obligations. Maybe there is true value to those obligations (aka kids to take care of) or maybe they are pressured obligations (aka happy hour with friends). Regardless the reason, we regretfully uphold the obligation and sacrifice our own positive intention.

Because change is hard. I am not going to lie - when my alarm goes off my mind goes straight to “sleep is good - need more sleep.” Most people don’t find the healthy changes they want to make in their life easy… they find them valuable. 

So how do we get back on track? How do we allow ourselves to live into those resolutions? Here are four  reminders:

TO GET BACK ON TRACK WITH OUR NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS…

Re-Identify It. Remind yourself of what your resolution or goal is. And don’t be vague. All the ones listed above are vague and unhelpful. Be specific and realistic. Instead of “I will get more sleep” try “I will be in bed by 9:30pm.” Instead of “I will Eat More Healthy,” try “I will cook two meals at home a week."

Pick a Tiny Step. What is the smallest thing you can do that will still live into your goal?

Want to read a book a month? Put the most interesting book you can find near your bed.
Want to start working out? Do calf raisers while you brush your teeth.
Want to eat healthier? Ask a friend for a healthy (and easy!) recipe. 
Want to reduce stress? Take three deep breaths. 
Nope - don’t keep reading, seriously, take three deep breaths.
1 … 2 … 3 …
Great job - look at that - decreasing your stress already! 

Know You Will Mess Up. Thats right. You will miss a day. You will eat six slices of pizza. You will get to bed around 11pm… or 1am. You will waste money on something that seems like a “need” at the time. First off, it makes you human. Second - it gives you a chance to re-motivate yourself! Change is hard. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you stop feeling like a failure every time you miss something - instead, you feel like a success every time you do it. 

Make the Time. If it is important, you have to prioritize it - no one else will do it for you. You want to act on every email by the end of the day? Believe me, people will not stop sending them to you - so you better prioritize it! You want to travel to Europe? Your boss will not stop sending projects your way - you have to take the initiative to plan that trip and block off your calendar. You want to get more sleep? You have to prioritize sleep above Netflix and Prime Video. Dan Harris, the cofounder of 10% Happier talks about how he meditates for two hours a day (what - two hours?! And he has a baby!). If he can do two hours, you and I can do five minutes. 

But the biggest question I want you to ask yourself is:

Does this change get me to closer to who I want to be?

If the answer is YES - then every day you are not living into this resolution is pushing the actualized you further out into your future.